|FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
May 29, 2013
|CONTACT: Office of Frivolous Approvals
742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield, ST 86753-09E9
Phone: (573) 442-0418; Fax: (573)875-5073
OFA BOARD APPROVES “CARFAX” – A NEW HEALTH CERTIFICATION FOR PUREBREDS
Following research showing mixed-bred dogs are 1.7 times as likely to be hit by cars than purebreds. And something about ligaments too.
After committing over $9,000 in new canine health research funding, the OFA (Office of Frivolous Approvals) is proud to announce a new service aimed at helping purebred dogs reign supreme over mongrels in all disease categories. A new 10-year study of over 27,000 dogs with a documented inherited disorders, slated to be published this Saturday, shows that mud-blood dogs are 1.3 times as likely to present with a CCL rupture and 1.7 times as likely to be hit by a car compared to inherently superior purebred dogs. These were the only two categories where Purebreds were under-represented compared to inferior unimproved mongrels.
OFA, in conjunction with the AKC (and taking inspiration from PeTA) is pleased to announce the CARFAX (Canine Accident Reporting Form And Exchange) certification program which aims to squash this discrepancy once and for all. We’ll help you get your well-bred dog run over and document it with a board-certified veterinarian technician. You can proudly send other breeders and puppy buyers to our site to prove that your dog is not the one holding all purebreds back from total dominance over mixed breds in the area of maximum disease expression.
Following a century of eugenics and breed improvement within the closed registry system, the study has documented that Purebreds stand atop the podium of disease for all but one of 24 inherited disorders judged by the researchers at UC-Davis. For 10 of the 24 diseases, purebred dogs were the undisputed champions:
10 disorders were more prevalent in purebred dogs, compared with those found in mixed-breed dogs. Aortic stenosis and dilated cardiomyopathy in the cardiac category, hypothyroidism in the endocrine category, elbow dysplasia and IVDD in the orthopedic category, and atopy or allergic dermatitis, bloat, cataracts, total epilepsy, and portosystemic shunt were all diagnosed in a greater proportion of purebred dogs than mixed-breed dogs (P < 0.05). The OR for these disorders ranged from 1.27 (cataracts) to 3.45 (dilated cardiomyopathy) for purebred dogs, relative to mixed-breed dogs, indicating a greater probability of the condition in purebred dogs.
In a true display of comradery through elitism, breeds from every Show Group participated in the victory over lowborn mongrels in almost half of the competitions:
Ten genetic disorders had a signiﬁcantly greater probability of being found in purebred dogs.
- For aortic stenosis, the top 5 breeds affected on the basis of the percentage of dogs of that breed affected and mixed breeds were Newfoundland (6.80%), Boxer (4.49%), Bull Terrier (4.10%), Irish Terrier (3.13%), Bouvier des Flandres (2.38%), and mixed breed (0.15%);
- for dilated cardiomyopathy, breeds included Doberman Pinscher (7.32%), Great Dane (7.30%), Neapolitan Mastiff (6.52%), Irish Wolfhound (6.08%), Saluki (5.88%), and mixed breed (0.16%).
- Breeds affected with elbow dysplasia included Bernese Mountain Dog (13.91%), Newfoundland (10.28%), Mastiff (6.55%), Rottweiler (6.31%), Anatolian Shepherd Dog (5.41%), and mixed breed (0.90%);
- for IVDD, Dachshund (34.92%), French Bulldog (27.06%), Pekingese (20.59%), Pembroke Welsh Corgi (15.11%), Doberman Pinscher (12.70%), and mixed breed (4.43%);
- for hypothyroidism, Giant Schnauzer (11.45%), Irish Setter (7.69%), Keeshond (6.63%), Bouvier des Flandres (6.55%), Doberman Pinscher (6.30%), and mixed breed (1.54%); for atopy or allergic dermatitis, West Highland White Terrier (8.58%), Coonhound (8.33%), Wirehaired Fox Terrier (8.16%), Cairn Terrier (6.91%), Tibetan Terrier (5.86%), and mixed breed (1.08%);
- for bloat, Saint Bernard (3.76%), Irish Setter (3.42%), Blood hound (3.39%), Great Dane (2.80%), Irish Wolfhound (2.70%), and mixed breed (0.20%);
- for cataracts, Silky Terrier (22.76%), Miniature Poodle (21.49%), Brussels Griffon (20.51%), Boston Terrier (19.61%), Tibetan Terrier (18.92%), and mixed breed (4.04%);
- for epilepsy (total), Catahoula Leopard Dog (3.90%), Beagle (3.57%), Schipperke (3.42%), Papillon (3.40%), Standard Poodle (3.19%), and mixed breed (0.91%);
- and for portosystemic shunt, Yorkshire Terrier (10.86%), Norwich Terrier (7.41%), Pug (5.88%), Maltese (5.87%), Havanese (4.35%), and mixed breed (0.35%).
No single breed dominated the listings. Labrador Retrievers and mixed-breed dogs were more frequently evaluated at the veterinary medical teaching hospital; therefore, those dogs typically had a greater prevalence of every disorder. However, the most frequent breeds affected by each disorder changed when adjusted for absolute numbers of dogs of that breed evaluated at the clinic. Although some breeds appeared multiple times in different disorders, no breed dominated by the percentage of breed affected.
Unfortunately, despite our current menu of health tests and the expert level inbreeding and popular sire use the Fancy has adroitly used since the Victorian era, no improvement has been made over accidental backyard bred miscegenated mutts in the following events:
Of the 24 disorders assessed, 13 had no signiﬁcant difference in the mean proportion of purebred and mixed-breed dogs with the disorder when matched for age, sex, and body weight. Disorders without a signiﬁcant predisposition included all the neoplasms (hemangiosarcoma, lymphoma, mast cell tumor, and osteosarcoma), hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, mitral valve dysplasia, patent ductus arteriosus, and ventricular septal defect in the cardiac category; hip dysplasia and patellar luxation in the orthopedic category; hypoadrenocorticism and hyperadrenocorticism in the endocrine category; and lens luxation in the other category.
The final category is one which scientists have yet to prove conclusively is an inherited disorder: being hit by a car. But since the scientists disclosed in the study that “Mode of inheritance was not a factor in the selection of the conditions under study” we’re just going to go ahead and call car strikes an inherited genetic disorder, bringing the number to 25. Don’t worry, when we declare mixed bred dogs “pure” they become so, it works the same way with diseases. What we say goes.
Remember, we’re the people who will COUNT YOUR DOG’S TEETH for $15 and give you a certificate if they have the right number.
While there are many theories why our elite purebreds are not being run over in the same rate as untouchable dogs, the current theory is PeTA’s “Better Tread than Bred” campaign which disproportionately services mutts. PeTA (Pet Enjoyment Tantamount to Auschwitz) is solving the “overpopulation” problem by taking dogs (mostly mongrels) and cats from their Virgina shelter and running them over with their VeganVan™, breaking their pelvis and naughty parts, thus preventing these racially inferior beings from procreating indiscriminately and producing over 67,000 new dogs and cats.
To combat this unfair advantage we’ve partnered with the AKC (Animal Killing Club) to establish a new ribbon-awarding performance event which will be funded by donations from the Trial Lawyers Association of America: Canine Recrational Accidents Suppressing Heterosis, also known as CRASH. We’ve arranged to provide a board-certified veterinary technician to drive around in an ambulance at all 2-day dog shows where entrants can allow their pedigreed pooches to chase said ambulances–no training necessary–be run over, and get certified on the spot as meeting all the qualifications to document a genetic propensity to being struck by a vehicle in superior rates to mongrels which will not be invited to participate. Any dogs also suffering a CCL rupture during their vehicle strike will be awarded a fancy acrylic ribbon in addition to their framed certification. There will be a $54 filing fee and if your dog fails to be run over by the ambulance you will not be forced to file any documentation of such until your pedigreed perfection passes the test.
Founded in 2013, the OFA is a not-for-profit foundation with the mission to promote the “health” and welfare of companion animals through a an obsession with rare genetic diseases by fetishizing tests which are not correlated with disease expression and don’t reflect the actual incidence and severity of diseases which really harm dogs.
Quotes taken from:
Prevalence of inherited disorders among mixed-breed and purebred dogs: 27,254 cases (1995-2010).
Bellumori TP, Famula TR, Bannasch DL, Belanger JM, Oberbauer AM.
Department of Animal Science, College of Agricultural and Environmental Sciences, University of California-Davis, Davis, CA 95616.
Note: While the interpretation here is satire, the actual findings in the linked study are presented in an honest and accurate manner and reflect the actual published data.
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