PeTA Puts Out

You know, I have a pretty good litmus test for a cult: If the existing membership will have sex with potential converts to get them to join: spreading one’s legs to spread the word.

The “Children of God” or “The Family” cult is perhaps the most infamous purveyor of such religious prostitution. They coined the term “Flirty Fishing” and encouraged their young members to entice new members and pay the bills with sexual favors.

It comes as little surprise then that the cult that is PeTA has adopted this very technique to spread their propoganda.

A blog for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals noted that sleeping with only fellow vegans means forgoing the opportunity to turn carnivores into vegans by the most powerful recruiting tool available — sex.

PETA’s founder and president, Ingrid Newkirk, agrees that vegans smell fresher. (“There’s science to prove it,” she says.) But Newkirk is all about the recruiting, even if it means one convert at a time. “When my staff members come to me and say: ‘Guess what? My boyfriend, now he’s a vegan,’ I say, half-jokingly: ‘Well, it is time to ditch him and get another. You’ve done your work; move on.’ ”

It seems that Ingrid’s joking about whoring out the interns as much as she’s joking about saving dogs by killing them (about 1/10th joke, 9/10ths deadly serious).

Here at PETA HQ, the vegansexual thing [denying sex to non-vegans] just doesn’t play. If anything, it’s the exact opposite. I’ve even heard rumors from old timers that Ingrid once forbade intra-office dating, simply on the grounds that she wanted the staff out meeting new people to make vegan.

Take my old boss, for instance. She has a foolproof system for taking the average unsuspecting meat-eating sailor or merchant marine under her wing and turning him into a hardcore vegan animal rights activist within a month. No joke. She’ll show up with these dudes and you can just tell that they’re completely helpless under her vegan goddess natural foods tantric love spell. Of course, once she gets them good and indoctrinated, she cuts them loose and finds her next prey, and with Norfolk being a big Navy town, with new guys arriving in port all the time, there is always another “victim” in line. Sometimes I feel a little bad for them, especially the ones that roll up wearing dress blues in their fancy raised pick-ups and by the time they leave they’re well on their way to joining an organic commune or living in a van and playing hacky sack all day.

This sentiment is repeated on the same blog a few months prior:

PETA’s position: We’re pro inter-dietary dating for about a million reasons; for one thing, if you’re ever going to persuade someone that they need to stop eating animals, you need to be around them, talk to them, listen to their point of view, and, hell, sometimes even sleep with them.

This message isn’t a new tactic in the radical Vegan cult community, a book and blog appropriately called “VeganFreak” not only advises sexual manipulation should be used to get your boyfriend to turn vegan, they also assuage any fears that oral sex might be non-animal friendly:

Maybe you want to know if oral sex is vegan. We say it is, provided it is willing and the receiver is vegan.

For some vegans, the only kind of meat they like to eat is gender-respective and, well, you can probably use your imagination.

Oh, and until love does finally find you, remember: there’s nothing more vegan than your own right hand. And Vegenaise, because Nayo is kinda lumpy.

[If your boyfriend is reluctant to go vegan] just withold sex. I hear that works too.

You might be saying that this is just a joke and some light hearted fun, but PeTA has proven again and again that they are deadly serious and willing to debase themselves and others as a tactic to spread their propaganda.

PeTA’s new “State of the Union Address Undress” video attempts to use explicitly sexual imagery to sell PeTA’s message. What PeTA clearly doesn’t understand is that when women are taking their clothes off, men are not listening to anything they are saying. We smile and nod simply as a reflex to make you think we are listening and to prevent you from discontinuing to disrobe.

The original video went on to show scenes of animal cruelty, but I’ve cut those out and sped up the stupid sales pitch so you don’t have to waste as much time listening to the drivel. Again, PeTA doesn’t understand that the brain turns off when the naked woman leaves the screen. Given that they’re enticing us to think with our penis at that moment, sappy guitar songs and nasty images of tortured animals will likely make us enraged…not at the animal abusers, but at the people who made the naked woman go away.

Warning, if you find either of the following things offensive, do not play the pornographic PeTA video:

Here’s the PeTA employee “Flirty Fishing” for some $$ and some more members:

And before you get all excited that PeTA employees don’t follow the Vegansexual lifestyle and are willing, able, and encouraged to meet your needs so you don’t need meat, make sure you consult your doctor to confirm that you’re healthy enough for sexual activity:

It’s not surprising that in a story on the Vegansexual ethic of denying sex to “omnis” (people who are omnivores and eat veggies and meat), that the journalists would find sexual dissention from none other than PeTA employees out on the prowl. Watch it until the end for the best line of the video:

For a whopper in the bedroom, you have to have a veggie-burger on the plate.

Now, if there are any hot young PeTA ladies out there who would like to assist me in my journalistic research for this story, you know where to reach me. I am in desperate need of a religious experience conversion: a come for Veganism moment, if you will.

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About Christopher

Christopher Landauer is a fifth generation Colorado native and second generation Border Collie enthusiast. Border Collies have been the Landauer family dogs since the 1960s and Christopher got his first one as a toddler. He began his own modest breeding program with the purchase of Dublin and Celeste in 2006 and currently shares his home with their children Mercury and Gemma as well. His interest in genetics began in AP Chemistry and AP Biology and was honed at Stanford University.