Question & Answer Time

More fun than keeping track of visitor traffic and subscribers (almost 90 readers and 20 followers now) is looking to see what search terms bring people here.

The preponderance of image searches for dog !@#%ing makes me wonder about the state of humanity and my own judgment to use this rather humorous image to headline my post about breeding ethics, considering the image name (just as I found it) is “old-bitch-hates-dog-f*%#ing.jpg.” It’s number 2 on google image search:
I should have known better, but I rather enjoyed the select use of profanity to stress the point of whoever named the photo.  And really, why take it down now? If I should ever monetize the blog, tricking some furry pervs into giving me traffic just might pay off.
But most of the rest of the traffic is relevant and deserved and the content here answers the search query.  Sometimes the query is relevant but asks a question I just haven’t answered yet, but have gotten close.  So every once and a while your wish shall be my command and I’ll answer the wayward search terms that brought you here.

borderwars dog asshole blogger
Yes, that’s me visitor from Broomfield, Colorado.  Next time include your name with your snide comment and I’ll publish it.  I don’t mind criticism or even dip shit losers with a bone to pick, but you should really have the balls to put your name on your comments.  It helps me recognize you when my dogs kick your dogs ass out on the field.
why can’t I have a border collie
The Internet is all knowing and now that google tracks your search terms, your browsing history, and your complete medical file, it will soon be able to answer that very question! You can also try “Why do my parents hate me?,”  “Is Suzy the one?,” and “Does this dress make me look fat?”  All appropriate questions for a search engine.
Until the day google knows more about you than you, why the hell do you think that someone out there would have answered that question for you and posted a web page about it?  Not only that, but you need to realize that
Google is NOT a natural speech search engine. You don’t ask it questions, you look for terms that are likely to appear in the content of the page you are looking for.
For instance, you are likely to get better results searching for “the smartest dog breed is” than for “What is the smartest dog breed?” because many more sites will have text that says “the smartest breed is the border collie” or “the border collie is the smartest breed” than “What is the smartest breed?”
Now, all is not lost for you and your interrogative searches. Google can give you the answer to: “2+2=” or even “1 in = ? cm” so you can see precisely how your measure up to your European mates.
The top reasons not to get a border collie? (1) No time (2) No space (3) No sense of humor. If you have the time, space, and a sense of humor; you’ll do just fine.
hot black jesus
I believe this is what you’re looking for, at least according to the media:
how come collies never win dog shows
The dogs in the Pastoral group, despite being several decades and many generations from tending to hoofed animals still reeks of the peasant class.  They enjoyed a brief whitewash of gentry when the Queen of England endorsed them, but that didn’t last long.  Dog shows are about extravagance, class, and fashion… things that don’t mesh well with herding dogs.
Beauty is about frivolity and excess and the appearance of qualities that aren’t necessarily present in the actual specimen.  Dog breeds that have an existential standard (they are what they do) versus a platonic standard (they are what we think they should be) will never be popular participants in contests of subjective opinion because objective contests exist which can more accurately and fairly measure the specimens against each other.
American dog show culture affects British sensibilities for the same reason advertisers use people with British accents to sell you products on late night TV. It lends an air of class and sophistication. Despite wearing tuxedos, Border Collies aren’t by their nature symbols of frivolity or abundant wealth or fashion.  Especially in Britain where they come from, where class distinctions are more stratified, and they still entertain the notion of Royalty.
By having a purpose, you can’t claim frivolity like a fashion accessory toy breed can.  By being a necessity, you can’t claim luxury status like a sporting dog can.  Border Collies represent the laboring class, whereas winning dogs most often represent the leisure class.
reasons to hate ellen degeneres
Besides the fact that she’s not funny, how about the fact that she’s a complete idiot when it comes to dog ownership and being a responsible owner and adopter.  She’s a repeat offender in the impulse buy and then dump the dog when it’s not cute category, and this makes her a bad person.
12 year old border collie fertility
I should hope not. Please, save the old dear the fuss and keep any horny young studs away from her.  She’s earned her retirement, no?
no one clapped for me at graduation
I’m sorry to hear that.  Despite all you read about high school and college being the best years of your life, don’t worry, it gets so much better when you can freely associate with whomever you want and you find like minded folks who don’t need to pigeonhole you into a category they heard about from MTV and belittle you to make themselves feel better.  Those people are still out there, but most of them peaked in 12th grade and even those who didn’t seem stuck in a world defined by high school cliques.
For them, Graduation is a time to celebrate attendance. Yay, they showed up enough to get a diploma.  Perhaps you should consider it the last day you had to give a crap what other people think about you and realize that even the diploma is someone else’s evaluation of who you are… but it doesn’t matter nearly as much as you finding your own benchmarks, your own goals, and your own measuring stick for how you want to live your life and evaluate your successes and failures.
first it was the border collies winning everything, and now they want the
Ok employee of Pfizer in New York, now the Border Collies want WHAT? I am dying to know.
Like your search-term-challenged friends above, your choice in query leaves me baffled, but given the implied frustration and the word limit, and a little re-googling I can only imagine that you’ve found your way here from the Border Collie Boards (they LOVE me there, I’m like a god to those people) trying to find out which toy breeder protested the AKC’s decision to allow mutts to compete in performance events.
It’s true that the Border Collies win everything. They are the superior dog breed in almost every sense. I think it’s entirely possible that the only reason Hitler bombed Brittan as fiercely and as thoroughly as he did is because he knew that the Border Collie was the master dog race and he had no choice but to vie for their extinction as to not show up his inferior German Shepherds-in-name-only.  Unable to establish any historical link between German dogs and Border Collies — like he did with the whole Aryan thing — and threatened by Border Collie superiority sans the militant ferocity present in his Alsatians,  the superior and peaceful Border Collie had to be destroyed.
How fitting that they socialist legs Hitler’s party stood on were about as stable as the GSDs hind quarters are now and that the Allies did well to put both out of their misery.
winograd asshole spadafori
Is there something in the water out there in Kansas or are you playing a game of “one of these things is not like the others?”
13 original collies
Ok, Texas, I know that you’re convinced that the world didn’t exist before your state, and you just might be the nation’s last best bastion of federalism and state’s rights, but come on now, it’s spelled c-o-l-o-n-i-e-s.
The original collie is a creature long since gone from this earth, but given the will and time, you just might be able to reconstitute a replacement out of the Border Collie, the English Shepherd, the Australian Shepherd, and a smattering of other dogs which have come down from the collie land race.  The old farm dog was a fine breed and it’s sad that the collie land race has been so heavily subdivided.  May it rise again.
border collie dying young
Now that’s a mood killer if there ever was one.  While any number of common dog ailments can lead to dead puppies; birth defects, dehydration brought on by diarrhea, and Parvo come to mind.  But if your puppy had a general “failure to thrive” perhaps you ought to investigate TNS, or Trapped Neutrophil Syndrome.  The Border Collie community is just starting to get a grasp on how widespread this hereditary disease is within the breed.
debunk nathan winograd, from NY
Good luck, PeTA.  You’ve been fighting against the truth for too long and it’s all catching up to you sick bastards now.
graduation project on solutions to pet overpopulation, NC
I wish you much success in your project and thank you for embarking on research as important as that.  My advice is to read Nathan Winograd’s Redemption and then compare what you learn there with the material published by every competing organization that deals with sheltering or pet “overpopulation.”
border collies herding deaths cruel
You must be one of the Progressive liberal twats who have taken your animal liberation agenda to the extreme, forcing New Zealand farmers to use farmhands with paddles to herd sheep instead of highly trained Border Collies.  You obviously don’t have any evidence to support your crackpot theory and you won’t find any either.  Human herders are not only inefficient, they’re expensive and look like fools. And they are certainly no less stressful to the animals.  Nor does being herded by a dog make the meat taste worse, as if any of you even remember what meat tastes like.
how to kill a border collie – May 7th, 2009 – 17:56:40 – Xspedius Communications Co, from O’Fallon, MO

You are a sick fuck and I hope that you go blind drinking your bathtub gin, requiring the use of a service dog for the rest of your miserable days, only to be turned down because you decided it was better to kill your neighbor’s barking dog than to pick up the phone and ask them nicely.
How about you spend the money you were going to buy arsenic with on a bark collar instead and give it to your neighbor as a nice present to the both of you.  You’ll feel better about yourself.
I’m not hopeful though, for anyone so incredibly stupid as to require the use of a search engine to devise a means of killing a dog, let alone choosing to specify a border collie as if breed were somehow important in this decision.  The answer to your question, however, is: purchase a revolver with armor piercing rounds, place the muzzle of the gun up to your genitals, and pull the trigger as many times as you can until you loose consciousness and your ability to procreate.
Hopefully anyone who has had their dog poisoned near St. Louis will find this post and your search query will be enough evidence of premeditation to lock your subhuman ass in jail.

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About Christopher

Christopher Landauer is a fifth generation Colorado native and second generation Border Collie enthusiast. Border Collies have been the Landauer family dogs since the 1960s and Christopher got his first one as a toddler. He began his own modest breeding program with the purchase of Dublin and Celeste in 2006 and currently shares his home with their children Mercury and Gemma as well. His interest in genetics began in AP Chemistry and AP Biology and was honed at Stanford University.